Singin' the customer service blues

Has this ever happened to you?

Let's say you bank with a fairly large outfit, like Citibank, for example. You simply need to order some more checks.

After going through a tedious voice menu (which does NOT offer you the option of ordering more checks), you finally get a Real Live Person. You are greeted thusly:

"Hah-LOW, my nem is Bob, meh Ah hev yorr accahnt numbah, pliz?"

Your mood instantly sinks. Not another one from India, or the Philippines, or wherever. Here we go again.

Well ... I'd like to say a few words in "Bob's" defense.

On account of I, myself, am now "Bob" after a fashion. That is, I work in a call center, that helps people with our company's web domain, web hosting, e-mail and other services. (Network Solutions, if you're interested)

Here's important stuff you need to know about customer service:

NO. 1 -- IT'S NOT EASY.

Customer-service types are the front line for everyone who uses their company's services -- and in any given company, there are HUNDREDS of different products, services and potential scenarios you are expected to answer, fix or accommodate. It is asking the brain to be simultaneously familiar with EVERY SINGLE ONE of them, and that is not possible. Unless you've worked in that job for years. Most call-center people don't, because these demands are so stressful.

In my situation -- working with web products -- my company is spending LOTS of money on my training, making sure I'm best able to help you quickly and effectively. (And I mean LOTS. And even so, I'm still floundering a bit, because there are so MANY things I'm expected to be familiar with, and that you expect me to be familiar with, and rightly so.) But not all companies are willing to do that. So it's left to the customer service rep to somehow try to answer your situation with less than a full tool belt.

So you're getting someone who WANTS to solve the problem, but might not be able to right away, because of lack of knowledge -- or, leading to No. 2 --

NO. 2 -- WE KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME.

We're trying to get you on and off this call as quickly as possible. Therefore, if we don't have the knowledge, because we're new, or we're not as good with language as we should be, you might be given what seems like a "run-around," or wrong information. Leading you to have to call us AGAIN to try and resolve the situation.

--> And here, have a thought for "Bob." Okay, it's true companies are trying to save money by outsourcing to foreign workers. And I'm all for having "Bob" join in, provided he gets it, can help, and otherwise is a good element. In "Bob's" case, therefore, there's no reason why he can't help you -- but he is NOT BEING GIVEN THE TOOLS OR TRAINING HE NEEDS. "Bob" is very smart. Given enough training, he'd be more than able to help.

Plus, he is working anywhere from 10 to 14 hours a day. That's enough to sap anyone's ability to solve your problem effectively right there.

NO. 3 -- THE BOSS HAS GIVEN US RULES.

In order to keep the customer-service flow proceeding smoothly, we are bound by a number of restrictions, namely: Call handle time; hold time; being courteous and friendly; branding the company ("Thanks for calling Network Solutions"); taking "ownership" ("I will be glad to help you with that today"); and all the other "scripts" that the company expects you to put forward.

Trying to remember that -- in the midst of solving your problem -- is asking a LOT of the brain.

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So, I ask you to look at this from the perspective of whom you're talking to, when you've got a check problem, or a phone problem, or a warranty, or whatever.

And in "Bob's" case, he IS fully capable of solving the problem -- it's just that he doesn't have the full training he needs, plus the language problem -- and he desperately WANTS to solve the issue for you.

With this in mind, give "Bob" all the information he needs. (Account numbers? Previous service requests?)

Be PROACTIVE. Recognize that the more information you have, vis-a-vis order confirmations, invoices, whatever, will help him fix the problem quicker.

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NO. 3 -- STOP EXPECTING MICROWAVE-SPEED RESOLUTION. (Please.)

Take a deep breath. Exhale.

We are all used to instant this, instant that. Well -- situations aren't instant, all the time.

We'd appreciate it, as problem-solvers, that you DON'T vent your frustrations on us that we CAN'T solve your problem at light speed. But, well, we know you won't, so we put up with you.

IT MIGHT TAKE SOME TIME -- INDEED, MORE THAN A DAY -- !!! -- TO RESOLVE YOUR ISSUE.

Come on. Your life will end tomorrow, because it might take a couple of business days to get where you want to be?

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Hoom, hom, ha.

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UPDATE: (The last statement up there is a Tolkien reference to Ents, in case you're wondering, which you probably aren't!)

I apologize for coming across so negatively. I've never worked at a call center before. I sure enough HAVE had my share of bad experiences with customer service.

So ... I hear ya. And thanks for listening to the OTHER side!