Saturday, December 5, 2009
I can't afford to reformat for a while, but thought I'd leave this post to assure one and all that MacArthur-like, I shall return.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
[WARNING: Digression into philosophical realms alert. Where I probably have no business. Sorry.]
Having hung ten on the surfboard of life lately, I can dig it. Reality is both food in your mouth and the expectation of a roof over your head -- but on the board, it's a choice between one or the other. That's a place I never thought I'd go. But, well, you either wipe out or you stick till you get to the shore.
All is vanity -- or illusion, depending on whom you listen to. Including yourself.
"People are about as happy as they want to be," said Honest Abe. Think about that.
Does being happy mean safety and security? The knowledge that where you lay your head down at night will be the same tomorrow as today? That you will eat? That you will fulfill your social expectations -- pay your bills, step on the treadmill, not create waves?
I used to think so. Not no mo'. There is sublime liberation once you step out of the Comfort Zone.
In today's hermetically sealed, risk-free, post-modern, smart version of life, I'm worse than a heretic. I'm an outcast. An Oedipal exile. The worse because I was carefully groomed to groove into the track ... and didn't. I'm broke. Hanging on by my fingernails. One step away from the soup kitchen. (Ever see "Fun with Dick and Jane"?)
And I LIKE IT. Yes. Truly.
Why? Well ... David has a bit to do with it. And I don't think either Dante, the Buddha, Jesus Christ nor any other luminary ever accounted for how much being one half of a whole makes a difference.
For he does. He is so much me, and him, and us, that it is difficult to separate the sine waves, but the truth is, we just ... well, fit. For good, or for ill. Or, if you like, for better or for worse. *grin*
It's entirely likely both of us will wipe out. But until that day, I am living. We are LIVING. You know?
You have to admit that pretty much ALL of the social constructs we've carefully crafted for ourselves only give us the illusion (or vanity) that we Know It All. Well, we don't. And I don't want to. I LIKE living by my wits. For the first time in my life, I feel ALIVE.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
by: Lewis Carroll (1832-1898)
BOAT, beneath a sunny sky
Lingering onward dreamily
In an evening of July--
Children three that nestle near,
Eager eye and willing ear,
Pleased a simple tale to hear--
Long has paled that sunny sky;
Echoes fade and memories die;
Autumn frosts have slain July.
Still she haunts me, phantomwise,
Alice moving under skies
Never seen by waking eyes.
Children yet, the tale to hear,
Eager eye and willing ear,
Lovingly shall nestle near.
In a Wonderland they lie,
Dreaming as the days go by,
Dreaming as the summers die;
Ever drifting down the stream--
Lingering in the golden gleam--
Life, what is it but a dream?
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
You've GOT to check out the fascinating images from the Nikon Microscopy U Small World Images contest. This one took fourth place, and guess what it is? (Dana O will love it!) The ovary of an anglerfish.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
The Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers
Obama bin Lyin'
Waffles the Clown
Now, just to prove I'm bipartisan, back in 2005 Tim Blair* conducted a contest to find the best nickname for then-President George Bush. Some of my faves from THAT one:
Dumbya Shrub, Fascist Lord of the Bushista Cabal of McHitlerstan
Smirky McShrub, Chimperor of Jesusland
Chimpler W. McNazipants
(Also, check out this list)
Ain't it nice to know there's at least some people with creative spark left in this world?
* A stellar blogger from Australia
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
But man for man, few in numbers, Australians have ALWAYS been there -- with their unique humor and elan. And plain cold courage. Stack them up against so-called other "NATO" allies. Dutch? German? Belgian? Whomever. All are well behind enemy lines. Aussies are taking it and giving it back.
Hats off, mates.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
(Sorry, KT -- just gotta rant about this one, as a recovering journalist. I'll be nicer later, promise!)
Hello, frikken Ministry of Truth?!
I'm so @#$% pissed off about this I'm spluttering. Letters to Congresscritters forthcoming. Letters? Try Howlers, Harry Potter fans.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
(image credit: metrocolumnistsblog.dallasnews.com)
Many happy returns of the day, especially to my friend, A Pirate Named Neo :)
Best pirate joke:
Have you heard about the latest pirate movie? It's rated "Arrrr!"
"Tenacious Kazimierz Michalski, who fought in the Second World War and survived the horrific conditions in the Russian Gulags, caught Stephen Gillespie, who posed as a builder, stealing £300 pounds from his wallet when he was meant to be fixing the leaky roof."
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
I always had a huge, mega, monster crush on this man -- he was a class act on and off the screen, not to mention being really hunky (built almost exactly like MY man, actually). And he handled his battle with cancer with the same grace. All of us, male and female, can only hope to be half the man he was.
Rest well, sir.
This clip will always and forever define him for me:
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Normally, I'm one for posting snippets from others -- a paragraph from a news story here, a video there. This one time, I'm departing from personal tradition, fully expecting a high boredom threshold from readers.
So be it ... I'm willing to run the risk. Because for the first time, and the last, there is love. And my heart is so full, I have to put it in printed words, though they may never be read. (Or "read.")
For one thing, we look alike. That is, we are built much the same: Slim, clean-limbed, graceful, like cats. Our faces look alike, far beyond the superficial brown eyes and oval structure. We share the same easy smile.
For another, there is an undeniable magnetic pull, the strength of which takes my breath away.
For a third, we communicate on a very basic frequency. This I will expand on -- but for now, it's important that it IS basic. You'll see why, I hope.
All of this is a superficial skimming of Why We Are. But it's hugely important, not only for us, but for everyone looking for The One.
I am a Smart Person. I was raised carefully, by intelligent parents, to appreciate and cultivate all that is best in human achievement. My lineage is high -- Old Money, and Society, with all its refinements, were bred into me like breakfast oatmeal. Though I did not inhabit the rarefied strata of high society, because my Dad chose the obscurity of military service, I was inculcated with its bedrock precepts of Entitlement and Education into all that was, is, and will be, in the Human Condition. I was encouraged to exercise my mind, flex my creative muscles, dare to dream, to be sure that my reach may exceed my grasp. I was given every bit of ammunition human achievement had to offer, quite consciously, from far-seeing parents. I was raised to be A Lady.
The only problem with perfect upbringing is ... the person.
Beyond being loved.
Alas, I'll never put paid to the investment in me. I'll never light the world on fire. I'm sorry.
He loves me.
It's very simple. And, in simplicity, we solve the riddles that keep us up at night -- we find rest. We find our Home.
Me and him, we understand each other. Body ... O yes.
Mind. What's to understand?
Soul. An uninterrupted circuit.
The stupid stuff of life -- "How dare you do this, that or the other" -- is, well, stupid. Anger? Only a blip on the radar.
There is only love.
We. Love. Each. Other.
So, there you have it. An unwanted diatribe about me and my so-called life.
But, well ...
I've finally solved the secrets of the universe.
And David did it.
I love you.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
... possibly the last. Of course, he's independent.
His name is Michael Yon, and he's been covering Iraq and Afghanistan for years now, on his own dime. Well, the dimes of readers who support his dispatches; because he is not owned by any MSM sellout whore outfit. He depends on reader donations -- but let me tell you something: YOU GET REAL FACTS FROM HIM. You get outstanding reading, AND photos, that the MSM gave up long ago.
Check out his latest dispatch, "Bad Medicine."
He was embedded with a British unit in Afghanistan up till yesterday, but they've dissed him. No one knows why -- he didn't give away any operational secrets that I could see. It's nice to see Brits are standing up for him.
So, after reading him, consider hitting the tipjar. He's the last real journalist -- or one of the last, telling it like it is.
Please consider it.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
"You’ve heard a lot about this crazy, scary, vicious mob on some shadowy GOP payroll. By the way the DNC, Rachel Maddow, and President Obama talk, you’d think it was a motley crue [sic] of Hell’s Angels."Let me introduce you to the mob: (via Dana Loesch)
Friday, August 7, 2009
O my luve's like a red, red rose.
That's newly sprung in June;
O my luve's like a melodie
That's sweetly play'd in tune.
As fair art thou, my bonnie lass,
So deep in luve am I;
And I will love thee still, my Dear,
Till a'the seas gang dry.
Till a' the seas gang dry, my Dear,
And the rocks melt wi' the sun:
I will luve thee still, my Dear,
While the sands o'life shall run.
And fare thee weel my only Luve!
And fare thee weel a while!
And I will come again, my Luve,
Tho' it were ten thousand mile!
-- Robert Bruce
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
From the comments:
"In some sense UK society is totally messed up in a deeply and profoundly negative way."
You're just now figuring that out?
Plus, now faith-based schools are racist.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
That's pretty rich, coming from a guy who OK'd a laughably lame memo as "evidence" former President Bush avoided Texas Air National Guard duty:
"Former CBS News anchor Dan Rather called on President Barack Obama to form a White House commission to help save the press Tuesday night in an impassioned speech at the Aspen Institute. ...
"Such a commission on media reform, Rather said, ought to make recommendations on saving journalism jobs and creating new business models to keep news organizations alive."
You mean, socialize the press. Ministry of Truth, anyone?
The mainstream media has a bad case of Not Knowing How To Adapt To A Changing World, so it's up to Uncle Sugar to keep them on the teat. Yeah, right.
Die, MSM parasites. Bow to the New Media.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
With a name like "My Sharia Amour," you GOTTA get this mug. Or anything else at Mark Steyn's store.
Remember, it's all to benefit free-speech warrior Ezra Levant, facing yet another (expensive) nuisance suit.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Please consider dropping some coin into the tipjar. It's worth more than you may realize.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Relationship of six years has ended, and a new one begun. I've moved to an apartment in a new town, and didn't have internet until now.
Dear friends both on- and offline have expressed sympathies, and I thank you all so much. But I'm not mourning -- quite the opposite :) I've awoken from a long coma, and birds are singing once again.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
(AND ISN'T IT INTERESTING THAT THE PHOTO BEARS A STRONG RESEMBLANCE TO MY MAIN BLOG PHOTO .... :)
(image credit: Tom Soetaert)
Sunsets tend to be spectacular after volcanic eruptions.
The "inconvenient truth" is, so do carbon emissions.
Leaving aside the incredible farce that is "global warming science"; leaving aside the stomach-lurching hypocrisy that is Al Gore, shoveling down more energy consumption in a month than most American households use in a year; and leaving aside the "indulgence"-based system that is cap-and-trade (it didn't work too long for the Catholics in the Middle Ages, and not much has changed) --
So, what's wrong with carbon?
"Should linking to copyrighted material be outlawed, as one American Judge, Richard Posner, has suggested?
"Well, obviously I view this through the lense of being a blogger; a profession which would be made difficult, and in some cases nigh impossible if one were unable to link to sources. So I'm biased.
But really, does one need a bias to see that this is a dumb idea? Sure, it might help the more wheezing and bed-ridden of the newspaper biz to hold on to what little life they still have, but really, it would be at the price of mediocrity for everyone."
The MSM, in its death throes, is getting desperate. Don't you think it's delicious irony that bloggers linking to stories increases readership of those stories?
Ah, but those evil bloggers aren't contributing REVENUE. So what? It's not bloggers' job to talk people into spending money -- it's their job to share information. Isn't that what newspapers et al. claim to be all about?
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Hundreds turn out for a Tea Party, but the MSM can't be bothered covering it. Single digits turn out for a Cindy Sheehan protest, and every media outlet in the country shows up.
Most conservatives don't allow themselves the luxury of going to protests. They're too busy, you know, holding down jobs and keeping their families going. So, if you ask me, the Tea Parties take on extra significance for the current administration, to wit: You're pi$$ing off the wrong people.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Can't wait to see if I'm on it!
(For background, visit Blazing Cat Fur if you're unfamiliar with the whole issue)
UPDATE: The new name of the blog is "The Lynch Mob." Much more appropriate, don't you think?
Friday, June 26, 2009
I've enjoyed the massive hits "Instalanche"-style, and feel it's the closest I'll ever come to one. Thanks again!
(For those confused: If you Google "Michael Jackson pictures," my blog is the fifth one you see, hence the huge hits I'm referring to)
My page has disappeared under the weight of inquiries. But, well, while it lasted, it was sweet :)
Check out Pittsburgh's speaker lineup -- boy, do I wish I lived closer to that city!
Americans reading this: Please, please attend a Tea Party nearest you. Nothing less than the future of this country is at stake.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Partly because I grew up with Barbies. Partly because I served in the U.S. Army. That kind of cognitive dissonance was only experienced by my generation.
Barbie? Military service? Too rich to ignore.
"'In our country, we cannot accept that women be prisoners behind a screen, cut off from all social life, deprived of all identity,' Sarkozy said to extended applause at the Chateau of Versailles, southwest of Paris."
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Well, it's happened ... my Maggie has graduated high school.
(Indulge this loving mom just a bit, won't you?)
She came into the world red-haired, but didn't stay so for long. Her hair turned butter-blond, and only darkened a bit as she grew into a Viking princess, totally unlike me.
She was bright and mischievous from the get-go. A favorite memory: Her older sister was standing in the hallway, holding a toy, momentarily lost in thought. Along comes 2-year-old Sis, having stalked her prey -- and, snatching the toy out of Dana's hand, races down the corridor, saying "Heh! Heh! Heh!" in a gravelly tone of triumph that sounds for all the world like a flasher who'd just scored a victim.
As she grew, she had her own way of looking at the world. As a Scorpio, she had lots of friends, but none ever knew the real "her." (Even I don't, though I know her better than anyone.) She was sickly, often, being prone to viruses, but she never let it slow her down.
Finally she became a young woman, beautiful inside as well as out. Oh, she has her faults; she tends to be impulsive, emotionally, but she's done mighty well getting that under control. As a beautiful creature, she runs the very real risk of thinking more of herself than she may, perhaps, deserve, having been complimented for so many things, not the least of which are her accomplishments, and the things she has done for others; but I trust her to know what's earned and what's not -- what are God-given blessings and what she has done on her very own. And I hope she will rejoice in both :)
It was a fun ceremony -- the kids smuggled in beach balls and balloons, against the rules, and they flew freely to much laughter, in spite of the risk of disrespect. Somehow, I couldn't mind that they had so much fun, even though -- perhaps because -- at my graduation, that would have been grounds practically for arrest :)
My only tears came watching my Maggie join the choir for the last time to sing the National Anthem. Along with her other talents, she sings like a nightingale, and she so loved being in the choir throughout high school. It was the last time she'd sing with them, and it filled my heart.
Maggsie, I'd try to find the words to tell you all I felt, and believe, but I'm not up to it. My heart overflowed when your sister graduated, and it did so all over again when you did. Different reasons, same feeling.
In spite of the times, you can look ahead with glad eyes, after all you've done. Proud? Small word for such a huge emotion. My maternal advice? Have FUN from now on, stepping from adventure to adventure, and keep the door open for GOOD things, expected or unexpected. Bad things happen, and they teach us a lot. But once we learn, the lesson is the only thing to keep. Only the good things are worth remembering.
Yes ... it sounds simple, but it's more profound than you know:
Always, from now on, have FUN :)
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Here's the thing: Somewhere around 80 percent of Iranians are 30 or younger. They have HAD IT with the life-killing religious dictates. So they're taking to the streets.
Here's a pretty good up-to-date roundup of what's going on right now (via Instapundit).
I'm reminded of a chant from my Maggie's softball team, when they were trying to psych themselves toward a win:
"You've got to WANT it, to WIN it, and we want it MORE."
Want it, Iran.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Comments pretty much shred her and her poisonous ideology. The trouble is, people are too complacent. Other stuff demands their attention, while under the radar, these "people" are eroding your future life.
(I pray this results in a wake-up. With every fiber of my being, as the saying goes. Of course, it involves actual action -- i.e., writing to members of Parliament, Stephen Harper, the Prime Minister, etc. I pray some of us aren't so lazy anymore. We shall see.)
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Okay. I've got to add to this; being an Anglophile.
Basically, I've always felt that the Magna Charta was the Right Answer. And the British, as the caretakers thereof, were pretty much spot-on.
That they're not ... and they're not, anymore ... hurts. Bring on the apocalypse.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
Lewis (whose original moniker, "Clive Staples," consigned him to ridicule -- thus was his nickname "Jack" ever after) -- had, as his idolater, John R.R. Tolkien. He GOT what Tolkien was after, with his Trilogy.
What Jack was after was children "getting" it ...
But more so, paring down the narrative to something even children could "get."
Granted, Tolkien's world requires meditation, and attention, that today's humans aren't willing to give.
More's the pity.
But Jack Lewis boiled it down to essentials, that we ALL can get.
Read "The Chronicles of Narnia."
If you're so disposed, then read the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy by Tolkien.
All you need to know about life.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
She was exactly 80 years and 1 month old today when she passed away, with one hand in mine and the other in my sister Margot's. Daddy kissed her as her last breath whispered away. Sisters and brothers, granddaughters, a wonderful chaplain and a wonderful priest stood near and just loved her as the long fight ended.
There's so much I want to say ... how transformed she looked, literally 40 or 50 years younger ... how she transformed me, when I was a scared and hurt little girl.
Not much I can say can put the enormity into words that was the bravest, cleanest, lovingest beautiful woman who ever lived. Her name was Margaret, and everyone called her Peggy. When I named my Maggie after her, she shone like a star.
I know you're hearing this, Ma. Thank you for loving me. Please stay with me till it's my turn one day.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Ha ha! Little did a New York Best Buy store know what was happening when a horde of extra "employees" arrived.
This group is awesome! They're called Improv Everywhere (motto: "We Cause Scenes"), and they've pulled a whole bunch of different capers like this one. Check 'em out!
..... all right, you have simply GOT to watch the Synchronized Swimming Team:
There's plenty wrong with public schools that needs to be fixed. But there should be room for homeschooling, which, statistically, turns out better, smarter, more well-adjusted students.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
A couple of observations, here:
Who knew there was such a thing as "hate-f***ing?" Sounds an awful lot like "rape" to me. If it's truly consensual, as a few people assert, it's still pretty damned sick.
I hate the word "f***" anyway. I'm always deeply ashamed of myself when I use it. It's linguistically, morally and spiritually unclean. So is Playboy, for publishing such a vile piece. So is the journalist who was its apologist. (The link was published under Politico's "The Lighter Side of Politics" section!)
When did such a wonderful -- and spiritual -- act designed to bond men and women together in joy become reduced to such an ugly term?
Chip ... chip ... chip ... goes the steady erosion of all that's good and decent in the world.
One of the commenters points out that if it looks like a socialist, smells like a socialist, advocates government takeover of private business like a socialist, it probably is one. And several commenters advised Scheie to use the word bluntly, in context, and never mind kookdom.
Monday, June 1, 2009
This gorgeous creature is blogging over at Dana O - One Night Only, and you definitely want to check her out.
(The fact that she's my daughter has NOTHING TO DO with my endorsement. Well, okay, maybe it does -- but check her out -- lots of refreshing takes on lots of different things!)
(For anyone not familiar with Professor Glenn Reynolds, he's only the biggest blogger on the 'Net. Heretofore, he has not had comments on his site. So I, of course, had to chisel my "Eowyn wuz here" on the comment wall and make a bit of history!)
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
"MIAMI (Reuters) – A popular U.S. Roman Catholic priest photographed frolicking with a woman on a Florida beach announced on Thursday he had joined the Episcopal Church to pursue the priesthood in a faith that allows married clergy.
"'I've seen with my own eyes how many brothers of mine serve God as married men and with the blessing of having their own families,' said Father Alberto Cutie, [I am NOT making this name up!] whose removal from his Miami Beach parish prompted public debate about the Catholic Church's celibacy requirement for priests."
In the words of Mammy, in "Gone With The Wind" -- "Yeah-O, Lawdy!"
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Think this kind of stuff won't happen here, my fellow corn-fed happy American campers?
(Via Colonel Robert Neville)
... and get lost.
Let's hope our "press" here in the U.S. gets as disenchanted with our own president as Australian journos have with Oz-ymandias (but I ain't holding my breath) (via Andrew Bolt):
"Media Watch details one of Kevin Rudd’s trickiest techniques of spin - telling senior reporters of press conferences too late for them to attend and ask him awkward questions:
It’s a recurring pattern, the bureaux tell Media Watch. Specialist political reporters, and their pesky questions, aren’t welcome at the PM’s photo-opportunities.' "
Saturday, May 23, 2009
I share some snippets from his Year 2007 In Review:
"It was a year that strode boldly into the stall of human events and took a wide stance astride the porcelain bowl of history. ...
... As the debate over Iraq intensifies, the eyes of a worried nation turn to another trouble spot: New York City, where Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell are locked in a bitter high-stakes battle to determine who is the bigger horse's ass. After meeting with both sides, a visibly shaken Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice reports that Trump's hair ''is exactly the same color as a Cheez-It.'' While the White House ponders its options, congressional Democrats vow to strongly oppose whatever action the president decides to take, while at the same time voting to fund it.
Sports [is] in the news in ...
. . . when South Florida hosts Super Bowl Roman Numeral. Because of concern over terrorism, security is extremely tight, particularly outside South Beach nightclubs, where large bouncers refuse to let any terrorists inside unless they are really hot. After what feels like three months of pregame festivities, an actual game is played, pitting the Chicago Bears against the Indianapolis Peyton Mannings. What begins as a close contest is broken wide open in the third quarter when the Bears defense is unable to stop a 1993 Buick LeSabre driven by 87-year-old North Miami Beach resident Winifred Bingleman, who took a wrong turn on her way to mah-jongg. She is immediately signed by the Miami Dolphins.
. . . the riveting trial of Scooter ''Scooter'' Libby, former chief of staff to Vice President Dick Cheney, concludes with Scooter being convicted on federal charges of being guilty of something having to do with Nigeria and somebody named Valerie, but we are darned if we can remember what, although we certainly hope Scooter has learned his lesson.
In other scandal news, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales gets into hot water when congressional Democrats allege that his name can be rearranged to spell ''Re-Label Zoo Gnats'' and ''Gala Lobster Zone.'' President Bush calls Gonzales ''a person in which I have the utmost whaddyacallit'' and pledges to ``stand behind him 100 percent for the time being.''
[T]he No. 1 recording, played relentlessly for days by every radio and TV station in the country -- is Alec Baldwin Talks to His 11-Year-Old Daughter the Way Tony Soprano Talks to Somebody Whose Legs He is About to Drive Over in His Chevrolet Suburban.
[T]he Senate, after months of secret negotiations, releases its comprehensive immigration reform plan, under which immigrants would earn points toward becoming a U.S. citizens by having basic citizenship skills such as being able to do the Electric Slide and place an order at Starbucks. To placate conservatives, the plan also calls for a 300-mile fence to be constructed around Rosie O'Donnell.
Abroad, the French presidential election, in what political analysts see as a break with recent trends, is won by John Kerry.
. . . the nation is riveted by the drama of Paris Hilton, who, after a string of motor-vehicle violations including driving with a suspended license, driving at excessive speed through a nightclub, driving over the young of an endangered species and driving with the brain functionality of a cabbage, is ordered to go to jail, then is released from jail, and then -- in what many observers see as an unfair punishment, based solely on resentment of her celebrity status -- is burned at the stake.No, seriously: Paris is sent back to jail for several brutal weeks, during which she is repeatedly subjected to a harsh generic hair conditioner.
But the biggest story in June, as well as the history of the universe, is the release of the Apple iPhone, which, in addition to enabling you to make phone calls, has all kinds of brilliant and innovative features, including AutoFondle, an application that enables the iPhone to fondle itself during those times when you are unable to fondle it manually because you're sleeping or undergoing surgery from wounds you sustained when friends or co-workers finally lost it and beat you senseless to make you shut up about your freaking iPhone already.
. . . President Bush undergoes a colonoscopy; congressional Democrats immediately pass a resolution condemning the procedure, while maintaining that they ''fully support the colonoscope.'' Vice President Cheney serves as acting president for two and a half hours, during which he performs what his office describes as ''routine executive duties,'' including ''signing some routine papers'' and ''ordering some routine bomb strikes against Iran.'' France immediately surrenders.
. . . Mattel, responding to new reports of hazardous materials in Chinese-made products, recalls millions of toys. A Mattel spokesperson insists that ''there is no cause for alarm,'' but suggests that consumers who have come into contact with the Barbie Magic Kitty Dream Castle should ''seek medical help'' and ``try not to breathe on anyone.''
[I]n Washington, Congress once again tackles Iraq as Gen. David Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker testify in Senate and House committee hearings totaling 16 hours, of which 11 hours are taken up by Joe Biden's welcoming remarks. Afterward, Democrats and Republicans agree that they have gained a better understanding of this extremely complex issue and will henceforth abandon crude partisanship and try to find common ground on the planet Floob, where this might actually happen. Here on Earth, both sides immediately resume declaring that the other side is scum.
Al Gore is named co-winner of the Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts to raise awareness of climate change. In an emotional statement, Gore says he is ''deeply humbled,'' stressing that he could not have won the honor without ``an extremely high IQ.''
CNN faces allegations of allowing planted questions in its televised [presidential] debates after a group of audience members billed as ''ordinary, undecided voters'' -- including a police officer, a construction worker, a soldier, a rancher and a native American -- turn out to be, in fact, the Village People. ...
In economic news, the Federal Reserve Board, responding to recession fears and the continued weakening of the dollar, votes unanimously to be paid in euros. And in what economists see as an indication of the worsening subprime-mortgage crisis, Russia forecloses on Alaska.
As the month draws to a close, Americans celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday much as the early Pilgrims did, lining up outside Best Buy at 3 a.m. to buy steeply discounted appliances.Speaking of giving thanks, with the end of November comes the end of what has turned out to be another milder-than-usual hurricane season. Hurricane experts, plugging this updated data into their sophisticated computer models, announce that there is ''a high statistical probability that next month will be April.''
In Washington, President Bush proposes to ease the subprime-mortgage crisis via a two-pronged program consisting of interest-rate freezes and waterboarding. Outraged congressional Democrats promise to pass a nonbinding resolution containing language so strong that nobody will be able to look directly at it without sunglasses.
Mitt Romney seeks to defuse the religion issue [in the presidential race] by making a major speech in which -- echoing the words of John F. Kennedy -- he declares that he is a Catholic. But the big story on the GOP side is former senator or governor of some state Mike (or possibly Bob) Huckabee, who surges ahead in the polls because (a) nobody knows anything about him, and (b) it's fun to say ''Huckabee.'' Huckabee Huckabee Huckabee.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Here's the thing.
South Koreans LOVE to protest. Police LOVE to break it up. And everyone's happy.
Think I'm kidding? Check this out.
I'm filled with admiration for this nation of scrappy, in-yer-face, not-afraid-of-anything people. We could learn a LOT from them.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Yes, I know Alec Baldwin is famous for foot-in-mouth disease; and really, this item is non-news.
But for me, it moved out of the realm of the ridiculous into the hilarious when I read the comments. I haven't LOLed so hard in ages.
The gist of the news story: Baldwin tells David Letterman on "The Late Show" that he'd like to have more children (!!!), and that he's considering either a Filipina or Russian mail-order bride. Filipino lawmaker takes offense and threatens a personal smackdown should Baldwin ever grace his country's shores.
Like I said, some of the comments are priceless:
Revilla, you're overly thin-skinned! You should be attending to your job as a senator instead of making a big deal out of Alec Baldwin's joke. And you even dare to threaten mayhem? STUPID! What's embarrassing here is not Baldwin's joke but your gangster-like attitude! LUNATIC! No wonder since your not educated (note: this guy made senator only because he was a famous movie star who started young.) All you know is make threats! (note: this guy is the son of a big politician in Cavite, so threats are nothing new to him.) F**** Y*** You are an embarrassment to to us, Filipinos living in the U.S. for your stupidy!
Truck9009 to sivispacem:
Unigate to MichWolverine:
You are worthress Arec Barrwin
You are worthress Arec Barrwin
You have faiwred in every way
and now my stock in you has fawren
Your career is stawrin'
and you're worthress Arec Barrwin
Hee-hee! As a bonus, I've learned how to say F-U in Tagalog!
(image credit: newsday.com; news item via The Drudge Report)