"MIAMI (Reuters) – A popular U.S. Roman Catholic priest photographed frolicking with a woman on a Florida beach announced on Thursday he had joined the Episcopal Church to pursue the priesthood in a faith that allows married clergy.
"'I've seen with my own eyes how many brothers of mine serve God as married men and with the blessing of having their own families,' said Father Alberto Cutie, [I am NOT making this name up!] whose removal from his Miami Beach parish prompted public debate about the Catholic Church's celibacy requirement for priests."
In the words of Mammy, in "Gone With The Wind" -- "Yeah-O, Lawdy!"
It’s a recurring pattern, the bureaux tell Media Watch. Specialist political reporters, and their pesky questions, aren’t welcome at the PM’s photo-opportunities.' "
FEBRUARY
. . . when South Florida hosts Super Bowl Roman Numeral. Because of concern over terrorism, security is extremely tight, particularly outside South Beach nightclubs, where large bouncers refuse to let any terrorists inside unless they are really hot. After what feels like three months of pregame festivities, an actual game is played, pitting the Chicago Bears against the Indianapolis Peyton Mannings. What begins as a close contest is broken wide open in the third quarter when the Bears defense is unable to stop a 1993 Buick LeSabre driven by 87-year-old North Miami Beach resident Winifred Bingleman, who took a wrong turn on her way to mah-jongg. She is immediately signed by the Miami Dolphins.
MARCH
. . . the riveting trial of Scooter ''Scooter'' Libby, former chief of staff to Vice President Dick Cheney, concludes with Scooter being convicted on federal charges of being guilty of something having to do with Nigeria and somebody named Valerie, but we are darned if we can remember what, although we certainly hope Scooter has learned his lesson.
In other scandal news, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales gets into hot water when congressional Democrats allege that his name can be rearranged to spell ''Re-Label Zoo Gnats'' and ''Gala Lobster Zone.'' President Bush calls Gonzales ''a person in which I have the utmost whaddyacallit'' and pledges to ``stand behind him 100 percent for the time being.''
APRIL
[T]he No. 1 recording, played relentlessly for days by every radio and TV station in the country -- is Alec Baldwin Talks to His 11-Year-Old Daughter the Way Tony Soprano Talks to Somebody Whose Legs He is About to Drive Over in His Chevrolet Suburban.
MAY
[T]he Senate, after months of secret negotiations, releases its comprehensive immigration reform plan, under which immigrants would earn points toward becoming a U.S. citizens by having basic citizenship skills such as being able to do the Electric Slide and place an order at Starbucks. To placate conservatives, the plan also calls for a 300-mile fence to be constructed around Rosie O'Donnell.
Abroad, the French presidential election, in what political analysts see as a break with recent trends, is won by John Kerry.
JUNE
. . . the nation is riveted by the drama of Paris Hilton, who, after a string of motor-vehicle violations including driving with a suspended license, driving at excessive speed through a nightclub, driving over the young of an endangered species and driving with the brain functionality of a cabbage, is ordered to go to jail, then is released from jail, and then -- in what many observers see as an unfair punishment, based solely on resentment of her celebrity status -- is burned at the stake.
No, seriously: Paris is sent back to jail for several brutal weeks, during which she is repeatedly subjected to a harsh generic hair conditioner.. . . President Bush undergoes a colonoscopy; congressional Democrats immediately pass a resolution condemning the procedure, while maintaining that they ''fully support the colonoscope.'' Vice President Cheney serves as acting president for two and a half hours, during which he performs what his office describes as ''routine executive duties,'' including ''signing some routine papers'' and ''ordering some routine bomb strikes against Iran.'' France immediately surrenders.
AUGUST
. . . Mattel, responding to new reports of hazardous materials in Chinese-made products, recalls millions of toys. A Mattel spokesperson insists that ''there is no cause for alarm,'' but suggests that consumers who have come into contact with the Barbie Magic Kitty Dream Castle should ''seek medical help'' and ``try not to breathe on anyone.''
SEPTEMBER
[I]n Washington, Congress once again tackles Iraq as Gen. David Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker testify in Senate and House committee hearings totaling 16 hours, of which 11 hours are taken up by Joe Biden's welcoming remarks. Afterward, Democrats and Republicans agree that they have gained a better understanding of this extremely complex issue and will henceforth abandon crude partisanship and try to find common ground on the planet Floob, where this might actually happen. Here on Earth, both sides immediately resume declaring that the other side is scum.
OCTOBER
Al Gore is named co-winner of the Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts to raise awareness of climate change. In an emotional statement, Gore says he is ''deeply humbled,'' stressing that he could not have won the honor without ``an extremely high IQ.''
NOVEMBER
CNN faces allegations of allowing planted questions in its televised [presidential] debates after a group of audience members billed as ''ordinary, undecided voters'' -- including a police officer, a construction worker, a soldier, a rancher and a native American -- turn out to be, in fact, the Village People. ...
In economic news, the Federal Reserve Board, responding to recession fears and the continued weakening of the dollar, votes unanimously to be paid in euros. And in what economists see as an indication of the worsening subprime-mortgage crisis, Russia forecloses on Alaska.
As the month draws to a close, Americans celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday much as the early Pilgrims did, lining up outside Best Buy at 3 a.m. to buy steeply discounted appliances.
Speaking of giving thanks, with the end of November comes the end of what has turned out to be another milder-than-usual hurricane season. Hurricane experts, plugging this updated data into their sophisticated computer models, announce that there is ''a high statistical probability that next month will be April.''
"Ana Julia Torres kisses Jupiter, a lion that was rescued from a circus ten years ago, in Cali, [Colombia,] April 18, 2009. Torres is a teacher whom, for the last 16 years, has been adopting and helping injured animals. She founded the Villa Lorena shelter for injured and mistreated animals, which cares for at least 680 animals, including some that have been dismembered by hunters."
REUTERS/Jaime Saldarriaga
Truck9009 to sivispacem:
Unigate to MichWolverine:
"In this video clip which is making the viral rounds in the Spanish-speaking online world, Venezuelan president Hugo Chávez says "The rich are not human, they are animals in human form." A Boing Boing reader who lives in Venezuela says,
I decided to leave Venezuela soon, if I can, when I saw this. Dehumanizing a group of people is certainly in the manual to start genocide and living in a country where officially a portion of the population are not human by decree is against my ideals. I can live with crime, bad public health and even scarcity, but to live with this crap is not acceptable, even with all the basic needs covered. Yes, I might be too sensitive, but I cannot forget all those other times and places where dehumanizing has brought woes.
(via boingboing.net)
Just for the record: I think "Mr." Chavez is an ass of the most tiresome order.
