Friday, May 29, 2009

New feature! Laffs galore!!

Tex Avery ...

I think the Almighty, while on vacation, decided to come to Earth as my man Tex, just to make cartoons.

Enjoy :)

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Tell old Pharoah ...

to let my people go.

Ode to Joy

Remember the emotion "joy?"

As in, sublime happiness?

I give you the interpretation here. Courtesy of my man Beethoven.

Muslim Babe(-magnet) of the Day

"MIAMI (Reuters) – A popular U.S. Roman Catholic priest photographed frolicking with a woman on a Florida beach announced on Thursday he had joined the Episcopal Church to pursue the priesthood in a faith that allows married clergy.

"'I've seen with my own eyes how many brothers of mine serve God as married men and with the blessing of having their own families,' said Father Alberto Cutie, [I am NOT making this name up!] whose removal from his Miami Beach parish prompted public debate about the Catholic Church's celibacy requirement for priests."

In the words of Mammy, in "Gone With The Wind" -- "Yeah-O, Lawdy!"



Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Bearing sorrow, havin' fun

Chip ... chip ... chip ...

... goes the chisel of Abdul Michelthugalo as he demolishes "David," the Sistine Chapel, the Magna Charta, and everything else made beautiful and dear.

Think this kind of stuff won't happen here, my fellow corn-fed happy American campers?



(Via Colonel Robert Neville)

Look on my works, ye toadies ...


... and get lost.

Let's hope our "press" here in the U.S. gets as disenchanted with our own president as Australian journos have with Oz-ymandias (but I ain't holding my breath) (via Andrew Bolt):

"Media Watch
details one of Kevin Rudd’s trickiest techniques of spin - telling senior reporters of press conferences too late for them to attend and ask him awkward questions:

It’s a recurring pattern, the bureaux tell Media Watch. Specialist political reporters, and their pesky questions, aren’t welcome at the PM’s photo-opportunities.' "


We will remember them

Apologies for belated post.

Please take a moment to read about some brave Americans, who, along with all their brethren, we will remember.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Apropos of nothing much ...

... except that Dave Barry is FRIKKEN HILARIOUS --

I share some snippets from his Year 2007 In Review:

"It was a year that strode boldly into the stall of human events and took a wide stance astride the porcelain bowl of history. ...

JANUARY

... As the debate over Iraq intensifies, the eyes of a worried nation turn to another trouble spot: New York City, where Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell are locked in a bitter high-stakes battle to determine who is the bigger horse's ass. After meeting with both sides, a visibly shaken Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice reports that Trump's hair ''is exactly the same color as a Cheez-It.'' While the White House ponders its options, congressional Democrats vow to strongly oppose whatever action the president decides to take, while at the same time voting to fund it.

Sports [is] in the news in ...

FEBRUARY

. . . when South Florida hosts Super Bowl Roman Numeral. Because of concern over terrorism, security is extremely tight, particularly outside South Beach nightclubs, where large bouncers refuse to let any terrorists inside unless they are really hot. After what feels like three months of pregame festivities, an actual game is played, pitting the Chicago Bears against the Indianapolis Peyton Mannings. What begins as a close contest is broken wide open in the third quarter when the Bears defense is unable to stop a 1993 Buick LeSabre driven by 87-year-old North Miami Beach resident Winifred Bingleman, who took a wrong turn on her way to mah-jongg. She is immediately signed by the Miami Dolphins.

MARCH

. . . the riveting trial of Scooter ''Scooter'' Libby, former chief of staff to Vice President Dick Cheney, concludes with Scooter being convicted on federal charges of being guilty of something having to do with Nigeria and somebody named Valerie, but we are darned if we can remember what, although we certainly hope Scooter has learned his lesson.

In other scandal news, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales gets into hot water when congressional Democrats allege that his name can be rearranged to spell ''Re-Label Zoo Gnats'' and ''Gala Lobster Zone.'' President Bush calls Gonzales ''a person in which I have the utmost whaddyacallit'' and pledges to ``stand behind him 100 percent for the time being.''

APRIL

[T]he No. 1 recording, played relentlessly for days by every radio and TV station in the country -- is Alec Baldwin Talks to His 11-Year-Old Daughter the Way Tony Soprano Talks to Somebody Whose Legs He is About to Drive Over in His Chevrolet Suburban.

MAY

[T]he Senate, after months of secret negotiations, releases its comprehensive immigration reform plan, under which immigrants would earn points toward becoming a U.S. citizens by having basic citizenship skills such as being able to do the Electric Slide and place an order at Starbucks. To placate conservatives, the plan also calls for a 300-mile fence to be constructed around Rosie O'Donnell.

Abroad, the French presidential election, in what political analysts see as a break with recent trends, is won by John Kerry.

JUNE

. . . the nation is riveted by the drama of Paris Hilton, who, after a string of motor-vehicle violations including driving with a suspended license, driving at excessive speed through a nightclub, driving over the young of an endangered species and driving with the brain functionality of a cabbage, is ordered to go to jail, then is released from jail, and then -- in what many observers see as an unfair punishment, based solely on resentment of her celebrity status -- is burned at the stake.

No, seriously: Paris is sent back to jail for several brutal weeks, during which she is repeatedly subjected to a harsh generic hair conditioner.

But the biggest story in June, as well as the history of the universe, is the release of the Apple iPhone, which, in addition to enabling you to make phone calls, has all kinds of brilliant and innovative features, including AutoFondle, an application that enables the iPhone to fondle itself during those times when you are unable to fondle it manually because you're sleeping or undergoing surgery from wounds you sustained when friends or co-workers finally lost it and beat you senseless to make you shut up about your freaking iPhone already.

JULY

. . . President Bush undergoes a colonoscopy; congressional Democrats immediately pass a resolution condemning the procedure, while maintaining that they ''fully support the colonoscope.'' Vice President Cheney serves as acting president for two and a half hours, during which he performs what his office describes as ''routine executive duties,'' including ''signing some routine papers'' and ''ordering some routine bomb strikes against Iran.'' France immediately surrenders.

AUGUST

. . . Mattel, responding to new reports of hazardous materials in Chinese-made products, recalls millions of toys. A Mattel spokesperson insists that ''there is no cause for alarm,'' but suggests that consumers who have come into contact with the Barbie Magic Kitty Dream Castle should ''seek medical help'' and ``try not to breathe on anyone.''

SEPTEMBER

[I]n Washington, Congress once again tackles Iraq as Gen. David Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker testify in Senate and House committee hearings totaling 16 hours, of which 11 hours are taken up by Joe Biden's welcoming remarks. Afterward, Democrats and Republicans agree that they have gained a better understanding of this extremely complex issue and will henceforth abandon crude partisanship and try to find common ground on the planet Floob, where this might actually happen. Here on Earth, both sides immediately resume declaring that the other side is scum.

OCTOBER

Al Gore is named co-winner of the Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts to raise awareness of climate change. In an emotional statement, Gore says he is ''deeply humbled,'' stressing that he could not have won the honor without ``an extremely high IQ.''

NOVEMBER

CNN faces allegations of allowing planted questions in its televised [presidential] debates after a group of audience members billed as ''ordinary, undecided voters'' -- including a police officer, a construction worker, a soldier, a rancher and a native American -- turn out to be, in fact, the Village People. ...

In economic news, the Federal Reserve Board, responding to recession fears and the continued weakening of the dollar, votes unanimously to be paid in euros. And in what economists see as an indication of the worsening subprime-mortgage crisis, Russia forecloses on Alaska.

As the month draws to a close, Americans celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday much as the early Pilgrims did, lining up outside Best Buy at 3 a.m. to buy steeply discounted appliances.

Speaking of giving thanks, with the end of November comes the end of what has turned out to be another milder-than-usual hurricane season. Hurricane experts, plugging this updated data into their sophisticated computer models, announce that there is ''a high statistical probability that next month will be April.''

DECEMBER

In Washington, President Bush proposes to ease the subprime-mortgage crisis via a two-pronged program consisting of interest-rate freezes and waterboarding. Outraged congressional Democrats promise to pass a nonbinding resolution containing language so strong that nobody will be able to look directly at it without sunglasses.

Mitt Romney seeks to defuse the religion issue [in the presidential race] by making a major speech in which -- echoing the words of John F. Kennedy -- he declares that he is a Catholic. But the big story on the GOP side is former senator or governor of some state Mike (or possibly Bob) Huckabee, who surges ahead in the polls because (a) nobody knows anything about him, and (b) it's fun to say ''Huckabee.'' Huckabee Huckabee Huckabee.



Thursday, May 21, 2009

Sweet Georgia Brown!

Back to the future past

As with The Music Man, I share with you a home-grown version of "Floatin' Down to Cotton Town," another number I enjoyed fleeting high-school fame with. This version -- by a bunch of music loving dames -- sounds almost exactly how we did it.

Harmony.

Aww ... :)


"Ana Julia Torres kisses Jupiter, a lion that was rescued from a circus ten years ago, in Cali, [Colombia,] April 18, 2009. Torres is a teacher whom, for the last 16 years, has been adopting and helping injured animals. She founded the Villa Lorena shelter for injured and mistreated animals, which cares for at least 680 animals, including some that have been dismembered by hunters."

REUTERS/Jaime Saldarriaga

Food fight

A complete history of America's wars since WWII, told in food. (Cheat sheet to tell what's going on is here.)



(Via Andrew Bolt)

I don't bother chasing mice around



Brian Setzer then, and now --

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Big stick, South Korea style

The good lads over at The Policeman's Blog have been smarting under "police brutality" accusations, and cite South Korean police actions as emblematic of the "eeeeee-vil" nature of said police force and how it gives all police a bad name. It's true: South Korean police put a smack-down on protests, with billy-clubs, tear gas, whatever it takes. And the protesters? They drink tear gas with their lunch.

Here's the thing.

South Koreans LOVE to protest. Police LOVE to break it up. And everyone's happy.

Think I'm kidding? Check this out.

I'm filled with admiration for this nation of scrappy, in-yer-face, not-afraid-of-anything people. We could learn a LOT from them.

Monday, May 18, 2009

'Star Trek' meets barbershop



It just doesn't get any better than this.

'Male pattern baldwiness'


Yes, I know Alec Baldwin is famous for foot-in-mouth disease; and really, this item is non-news.

But for me, it moved out of the realm of the ridiculous into the hilarious when I read the comments. I haven't LOLed so hard in ages.

The gist of the news story: Baldwin tells David Letterman on "The Late Show" that he'd like to have more children (!!!), and that he's considering either a Filipina or Russian mail-order bride. Filipino lawmaker takes offense and threatens a personal smackdown should Baldwin ever grace his country's shores.

Like I said, some of the comments are priceless:

ecomment:

Napakanipis naman ng balat mo, Revilla! Sa halip na ang biro ni Alec Baldwin ang pino-problema mo, eh, dapat ata na ang trabaho mo bilang senador ang inaasikaso mo!!! Pa-mayhem-mayhem ka pa! GAGO! Ang nakakahiya dito eh hindi ang biro ni Baldwin, kundi iyang pag-aasal gangster mo! ULOL! Palibhasa wala kang pinag-aralan. Ang alam mo lang eh, ang manakot! LECHE KA! Asikasuhin mo ang trabaho mo! HINDOT KA! Napapahiya tuloy ang mga Pinoy dito sa 'tate sa katangahan mo!
Ummm.. Could you translate this into ENGLISH please?
Translated (:

Revilla, you're overly thin-skinned! You should be attending to your job as a senator instead of making a big deal out of Alec Baldwin's joke. And you even dare to threaten mayhem? STUPID! What's embarrassing here is not Baldwin's joke but your gangster-like attitude! LUNATIC! No wonder since your not educated (note: this guy made senator only because he was a famous movie star who started young.) All you know is make threats! (note: this guy is the son of a big politician in Cavite, so threats are nothing new to him.) F**** Y*** You are an embarrassment to to us, Filipinos living in the U.S. for your stupidy!

Translation: "I rove Arec Bardwin. Senator not doing job, compraining about greatest actor ever. Senator need to shut up and herp poor peopre of Pilippines." Salamat.

Truck9009 to sivispacem:

Does it hurt, physically, to be that stupid?

MichWolverine:

Of course Alec Baldwin would need to get a mail-order bride and adopt a foreign child ... because he's such a pig that no one in this country wants anything to do with him (unless, of course, they are paid for their services)!

Unigate to MichWolverine:

Please. Even prostitutes have standards.

beezdotcom:

You are worthress Arec Barrwin
You are worthress Arec Barrwin
You have faiwred in every way
and now my stock in you has fawren
Your career is stawrin'
and you're worthress Arec Barrwin

******************************************

Hee-hee! As a bonus, I've learned how to say F-U in Tagalog!

(image credit: newsday.com; news item via The Drudge Report)

Mo-D'oh!

Ouch. Even Kos is slamming Maureen Dowd for er, "inadvertently" cribbing from a blogger.

(disclosure: The title for this post was cribbed from a commenter on one of many blogs talking about this issue.)

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Gays: America bad, Russia good

... At least, that's what I've read in modern culture. Yes?

EEEEE-vil Americans, trying to deny gays their rights. Okay, so some states allowed gay marriage.

But the Soviet Union -- er, the New Russia -- is EVER so much more tolerant, as they are on all cultural matters. Yes?

***

Okay! I can't stand it!

YOU MUHFUHN GAYS WHO PUT YOUR OWN COUNTRY DOWN AND SING THE PRAISES OF THIS ORWELLIAN OUTFIT WHO WANT TO ULTIMATELY Kill!!!!!!! YOU ...

Just go. To. Hell.

I'm tired of running interference.

STAND UP AND BE MEN, for God's sake.

Ain't no home to me

Friday, May 15, 2009

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Teacher, leave them kids alone

We all complain about education in this country.

Want to know why it's so bad?

But before you do find out -- you need to know it's worse than bad. It's evil.

Watch this series, all the way through.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Godahell

Announcement to Blogger, or Google, or whatever geek-gods playing around with human interaction, and efficiency thereof:

I am not happy with the "glitches" you've forced me to work around, and I'm willing to bet a good many other people aren't, either.

WE'VE done our part, the users of your knowledge. We've paid you. (More, perhaps, than you might be worth. But gratefully, and honestly, and innocently, we give you your due.)

We peons only want to share videos, as they are immediate and recognizable, human-wise. And when we do, we want it to be easily viewed. I.E. .....

NOT IN AN OBNOXIOUSLY WIDE FORMAT.

Please.

Remember you're human.

(Because if you don't, you're committing a terrible crime. If nothing else, it will show up in Idiocracy.)

Real men

At last. I thought I'd never find them. But here they are.

Being a lifelong lover of harmony (diehard Beach Boys fan), doo-wop and male harmonizing in general, I surfed a bit through YouTube looking for good harmonized stuff. My only intention was to find a nice bit of music to satisfy a momentary itch.

What I found -- in the video I'm sharing with you -- was life-changing. This video is from the 2008 Barbershop Quartet convention.

The stereotypical view of men: Brutes who put on a veneer of socio-culturalization just enough to spread their seed as often and enjoyably as possible.

The reality: Sadly, there may be too many of the stereotypes, but the stereotypes are a small percentage.

Thank God.

Here are beings who bring together love of singing, love of romance, love of energy, love of harmony, love of life itself.

The theme in Barbershop is respect for, and undying romantic love for, us. Women.

Pah. Since how long have we women longed for just such clean admiration, but stuffed it down the toilet? "He makes fun of me. He puts me down. He doesn't understand me."

Stop it, already.

Men aren't gifted with the ability to psychically "read" our moods. Moods are unnecessary. What's real is what's beautiful.

And that's what these guys are all about.

All my life I wondered if I'd ever find that guys shared my same heart dreams.

I collapsed into tears, when I saw this. And so I share it with you.

Monday, May 11, 2009

I hate when embed codes don't work

My Hugo Chavez video is the second time a video embed turned out too wide.

I don't like it.

If I'm doing something wrong, I'd appreciate a heads-up.

When yer a Jet, yer the King of the Hill

I'm in the mood

Hugo Chavez, Mr. Wonderful



"In this video clip which is making the viral rounds in the Spanish-speaking online world, Venezuelan president Hugo Chávez says "The rich are not human, they are animals in human form." A Boing Boing reader who lives in Venezuela says,

I decided to leave Venezuela soon, if I can, when I saw this. Dehumanizing a group of people is certainly in the manual to start genocide and living in a country where officially a portion of the population are not human by decree is against my ideals. I can live with crime, bad public health and even scarcity, but to live with this crap is not acceptable, even with all the basic needs covered. Yes, I might be too sensitive, but I cannot forget all those other times and places where dehumanizing has brought woes.

(via boingboing.net)

Just for the record: I think "Mr." Chavez is an ass of the most tiresome order.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Won't you be mine!



Having starred in "The Music Man" in days of yore, in high school, I'm both a fan of the original play AND spirited high school reproductions.

This is a good one :)

Muslim Babe of the Day


A Raiderette cheerleader, clearly wearing her burqa for squad and team!

Er ...

Sis, boom, Allah.

(Dedicated, as always, to the Walk-Man)

Do as I say (or else)


(Via the indomitable Ezra Levant)

And they want to take my gun ... why?

Here's just one of MANY instances where a crime was prevented by a handgun owner.

Outta my cold, dead hands, "Progressives."

(Via Instapundit)

Taking lame to new levels

So the White House has issued its official report on the disastrous flyover by Air Force One over Manhattan. My analysis will take place in the tried-and-true "question and answer" format. But first:

Not addressed -- anywhere -- WHY DID YOU DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Real answer: To hand out a bunch of superfunkycool souvenirs to assorted toadies, relatives, campaign donors, etc. Keep that in mind as we go on.

Question: Did President Obama know?

Answer: Yes. No. Maybe. (See page 5, Reaction to the Flight.)

Question: Why didn't anyone think beforehand that a flight of this nature might cause panic, given the location and history?

Answer: The White House Military Office Director John Caldera stated he had "no idea" the plan called for descending as low as 1,000 feet. (See page 6, Reaction to the Flight.)

Ouch. Isn't EVERY DETAIL supposed to be accounted for in a mission of this nature?

Question: Why didn't military personnel bring more awareness to their civilian higher-ups of the nature of such low-altitude buzzing?

Answer: My guess is this; every air base deals with people in surrounding communities calling in every time jets break their windows. These calls are handled by honey-toned Public Affairs specialists who reassure the irate Mr. Caller that he/she is very sorry, and it won't happen again. (Of course, it always does.) The pilots themselves -- and most Air Force higher-ups are former pilots -- are insulated from the outrage. They don't even think about it. So, no one in any of the flight commands advising the White House brought it up.

If you've ever been outside an airport, or air base, when jets take off or land, you know that the noise and vibration feel like an earthquake until they reach an altitude of at least 5,000 feet. It's actually CIVILIANS who should have thought of this.

Question: Why didn't the Director stay on top of things better?

Answer: Among other things, a "bad back" and dual e-mail accounts. (See page 4, The April 27 Flight.) Take note of the hilarious line that the Director "was not asked to approve the flight." Wha ... ?

Question: Is the White House Military Office a bunch of boobs?

Answer: You betcha.

Question: If this is how the White House runs a quasi-military operation designed for the sole purpose of rewarding hangers-on with a trinket, how confident should we feel about our military overall?

Answer: This can only be answered with an acronym, such as "FUBAR." In this case, it's KYAG.

(For additional laffs, read how the left hand sorta-kinda kept the right hand "up to speed," and vice versa.)

Monday, May 4, 2009

Karmasurfer sez:

... if you post again after posting a post that is not square, it will post properly.

(The previous post; that is, the one that's too wide. Like the video I just posted. And so on.)

So here's hoping.

UPDATE: Karmasurfer was wrong. I can't figure out why my train-station dance video is so obnoxiously wrong. WAY too wide, as you can see.

UPATE 2: Ugh. That video is blocking my Very Cool Sites list, so I can't click on Eagle Cam. Only solution: Keep posting till it drops down far enough.